Marmite Affair

Something I thought I’d miss is Marmite. However, contrary to Marmite’s key marketing slogan, I’m indifferent to it. It’s too salty for first thing in the morning (I’m one for the marmalade tang) and past breakfast, I’ve forgotten about it.

However, this is not the way Marmite wants you to feel about it. It saaays it wants you to ‘love it’ OR ‘hate it’ but really Marmite longs for you to have a Latino love/hate relationship, dynamic and passionate, like something with Antonio Banderas. But I’m sorry (I think I’m apologising to an inanimate jar of yeast extract- things are not good) I just don’t feel that way.

Marmite wants you to have a terrible and disgusting affair. To love and make love to it, ok, maybe not the latter, but it definitely wants you to hate it and throw it on the walls in a rage. Again, I’m sorry (twice in one post, geez…) but I’d quite like the deposit back on my flat and I think I’d have problems explaining to my German landlord that the stains were a result of an argument I was having with a common British spread.

I stand my ground, I wouldn’t say I miss it much but I can’t deny I am looking forward to a hot piece of toast, dripping in butter and marmite, spread messily so you get a yeasty burst as you bite…ok, you win, it’s late, I’m tired…maybe I’m missing it more than I thought.

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